A Lent Course

of the Diocese of Pretoria

Anglican Church of Southern Africa

Equipping and Strengthening Families

Turning Houses into Homes

When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, "Woman, here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home. – John 19:26 TNIV

Prepared by the Rev'd Canon Mark R D Long

February 2010

based on the Bishop's Charge, Synod 2008, Diocese of Pretoria

and on ideas presented at a workshop on Family Life in the

Archdeaconries of Hennop's River and Tshwane-Bokone

Week One – Introduction

Opening Prayer:

Introductions:

Read:    "Life is no longer about family values but money and material gains. All what we do is more about self. We have adopted the "Western" attitude and culture of individualism and materialism. It is my wish that we change this mind set and think broadly about family – its importance and value. … In the context of African tradition and culture, family is the whole community where each person is not only responsible for his/her family but [for] any other member of the community [as well]. Adults are parents of every child whose upbringing is everyone's responsibility." – Bishop Jo Seoka: The Bishop's Charge, Synod 2008, Diocese of Pretoria.


Discussion:

1. In "Buzz Groups" of two's or three's share your response to the above statement.
   
2. In the large group share one thought out of each "Buzz Group".
   
3. Try and sum up the group discussion in one sentence.
   

Scripture:

"Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" Jesus replied: " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind' (Deut 6:5). This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbour as yourself' (Lev 19:18). All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." – Matthew 22:36-40 TNIV


This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. – 1 John 4:10-12 TNIV

Discussion:

1. 1 John 4:16 says: God is love. What is "Love" in the context of the above two Scripture quotes? Try and provide a working definition.
   
2. Compare your working definition to what the media, especially movies and "TV Soapies", represents love as. Do you see a difference?
   
3. The reading from 1 John, above, refers to sacrifice. What does "sacrifice" mean to you?
   
4. The reading from Matthew defines relationship as focused love, on God and others. How does love impact your relationship with God, with family, with others? Share specific examples.
   
5. Where do you experience love? And where do you share love?
   

Closing Prayer:

Week Two – The Blessing of Family

Opening Prayer:

Sharing:

Read:    "Family time of prayer is today a rare commodity. In fact there is hardly time and space for family togetherness. Very few of us spend quality time with each other as family, eat together, share memories and plan for the future. We have become such busy bees that family values have gone out of the window leaving our children confused and spiritually empty" – Bishop Jo Seoka: The Bishop's Charge, Synod 2008, Diocese of Pretoria.

Discussion:

1. What "Blessings" have you experienced personally by being a part of your family?
2. Do you agree/disagree with the above quote? Why?
3. Transformation is never instantaneous: what one "Blessing" is missing from your experience that you can make a priority to build in? Share this with the group.
4. Bishop Jo speaks above of our children being left "confused and spiritually empty" – this is one of the "Woes" of family life today. How can the Church family help us in this regard?

Scripture:

"Look," said Naomi, "your sister-in-law is going back to her people and her gods. Go back with her." But Ruth replied, "Don't urge me to leave you or to turn back from you. Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if even death separates you and me." When Naomi realized that Ruth was determined to go with her, she stopped urging her. – Ruth 1:15-18 TNIV

Discussion:

1. Remembering that Naomi's husband and two sons have died (Ruth is Naomi's daughter-in-law), what "Family" does Ruth commit herself to?
2. Why is Ruth so determined to stay with Naomi? What "Blessings" do you think Ruth was expecting?
3. Naomi tries hard to send Ruth back to her own family of origin. Reflect on the emotions Naomi must have experienced at Ruth's refusal.
4. Do you think Naomi felt affirmed by Ruth's response? Why, or why not?
5. Who in your family circle needs to be affirmed? Plan to write them a note this week to thank them for being a 'Blessing" to you.

Closing Prayer:

Week Three – Belonging to Family

Opening Prayer:

Sharing:

Read:    "Individuals are held within the life of a family from birth to death. Anglicans affirm the place and goal of family life for all, in terms of physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. Families are part of the family of God as well as part of a larger community" – Lambeth Conference 2008.

"The gospel is all about inclusion, otherwise Jesus would not have asked his followers, "Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?" Here we learn about a new kind of family … Jesus turned the family structure into the wider community – connecting the family unit into a network of relations. … It is such relationships that will build the Church instituted by Christ to which all of God's people belong. Families are a given and are not something one chooses, … Each person belongs and is connected to the family … we are part of family at all times and in all places of our lives" – Bishop Jo Seoka: The Bishop's Charge, Synod 2008, Diocese of Pretoria.

Discussion:

1. What does it mean to belong? What does it mean to be family?
   
2. What is it that draws you to the Anglican Church? What is it about this community that helps you feel you belong? Do you feel excluded in any way? Why?
   
3. In today's world how can our families be more meaningfully part of the "larger community"? Who/what is our "wider community"?
   

Scripture:

So God created human beings in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. – Genesis 1:27 TNIV


Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family, and do not go to your relative's house when disaster strikes you—better a neighbour nearby than a relative far away. – Proverbs 27:10 TNIV

Discussion:

1. What does it mean to be "created in God's image"?
   
2. How do you respond to the fact that you are made in God's image? And that so are others?
   
3. How do you celebrate this "image of God" in your family life?
   
4. Are you able to ask others (family, friends, and colleagues) for help? Share a situation where you did, and why the other person or group's response was helpful/unhelpful?
   
5. Which relationships in your life need to be strengthened to help you feel more included?
   

Closing Prayer:

Week Four – Believing in Family

Opening Prayer:

Sharing:

Read:     "I am … putting a challenge before you to seek God's guidance … as to how we can be involved in 'Equipping and Strengthening Families: Turning Houses into Homes'. … we can make a profound contribution as a faith community in rebuilding and transforming family life and responsible citizenship. … Our homes must be turned to worship spaces, meals into Eucharistic experiences and conversation to means of bonding and renewal of family love and nurturing" – Bishop Jo Seoka: The Bishop's Charge, Synod 2008, Diocese of Pretoria.

Discussion:

1. Describe your picture of a "Home". What makes it different from a "House"?
   
2. Belief has to do with principles, those things we believe to be true. What principles are important for family life?
   
3. A house is a place without principle or relationship. How can we implement these principles to help our own houses become homes?
   
4. Choose a principle that you believe is missing from your family life: share how you plan to implement it? Who will you need to negotiate with? What will you need to change?
   

Scripture:

Near the cross of Jesus stood his mother, his mother's sister, Mary the wife of Clopas, and Mary Magdalene. When Jesus saw his mother there, and the disciple whom he loved standing nearby, he said to her, "Woman, [The Greek for Woman does not denote any disrespect] here is your son," and to the disciple, "Here is your mother." From that time on, this disciple took her into his home. – John 19:25-27 TNIV

Discussion:

1. Share your response to the above reading from the Gospel of John.
   
2. What does Jesus believe about family? Why?
   
3. Share what you value about your own family and experience of family life.
   
4. How do we share this with others? Our own family? Fellow Church members? Society?
   

Closing Prayer:

Week Five – Family Behaviour

Opening Prayer:

Sharing:

Read:     "The need today is much more than ever 'for families to have a rule of life that focuses the family on the centrality of Jesus Christ, with respect for each other as children, the brothers and sisters of Jesus' (Bishop's Charge 2005, pg 5)" – Bishop Jo Seoka: The Bishop's Charge, Synod 2008, Diocese of Pretoria.

Discussion:

1. A "Rule of Life" is a covenant that guides the behaviour of a community, and helps individuals know how to behave in relationship to others in the community. It is more than a set of rules; it is a way of living. What two principles (above) are key to a rule for Family Life?
   
2. Are these two principles evident in your family? If so, how do they impact on the behaviour of family members?
   
3. "What would Jesus do?" Is this a question your family asks? If not, how do you think it would change family and individual behaviour if you begin asking it?
   
4. We are all created in God's image: how does this (or could this) impact on family behaviour?

Scripture:

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. – Ephesians 3:14-21 TNIV

Discussion:

1. Paul (above) shares the principles he believes should be core to family and community relationships in this wonderful prayer for the Ephesians. Share your response.
   
2. Often we wait for others before we are willing to transform our own behaviour. Commit yourself to a specific positive behaviour change in your family life that you will implement and continue to live out even if no-one else in the family responds. If you have the courage, share this with the group.
   
3. Share what has been valuable to you over the last five weeks in this course.

Closing Prayer:     Pray Paul's prayer for the Ephesians (above) together for your own family, for your local Church family, and for your community.